A year and one day since we had our first meeting with our adoption consultant, Kathie, we got a call that changed our lives forever. Not a call for a new heart, but a call for a baby who has grown in our heart(s) for a lifetime.
At 9:45 pm Tuesday, April 4th my phone rang. I was preparing to wash my face, Brian was in bed reading, and Parenthood was on in the background (how ironic). I didn't recognize the number, but thought it might be our Realtor so I picked up. On the other line was a female voice. "Angela, this is Charlotte" I was so caught off guard that for a millisecond I couldn't remember who Charlotte was. Then it clicked "Hi Charlotte, how are you?" The first question she asked was how my wrist was doing. I told her that it was improving, but I had more physical therapy to do. I asked her what was going on, because I knew something must be going on, and she said "There's a baby that might be induced and born this Thursday and you and Brian are my top pick." "WOW" was all I could sputter out. I walked back into the bedroom and Brian looked at me and I made a cradle baby motion, which quickly got his attention. I put Charlotte on speaker phone and she told us the details of Birthmom, health history, and that this baby was a boy. We told her that we would think and pray about it.
Noone can prepare you for that moment. Is it like seeing the plus sign on the pregnancy test? I don't know. It might be similar, but at least in that circumstance you have 9 months to prepare.
I called my parent's as soon as I hung up with Charlotte and my Mom was asleep, but my Dad picked up. Other than Brian and I he was the first to know of this crazy possiblity. Next, I texted Kelly to see if she was awake, which she was, so I called her, and she calmed me down. I love that she has also adopted, so she truly knows all about the tangled web of feelings that consume you from the inside out. Fear, anxiety, excitement, panic, hope, joy, introspection, wonder, amazement, more fear and panic!!! These feelings ebb and flow in and out of your mind so quickly that you can't keep up with your emotions.
I hardly slept that first night, Brian on the other hand had no problem sleeping. (sigh!) I was up early the next day and after making a cup of coffee immediately went to have a quiet time. I just love "Godincidences" the devotional for that day took me to Psalm 25, which included this Scripture
"Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Psalm 25:4-5
This is the verse that I claimed for the entire adoption journey and it is marked as so in my Bible. It nearly took my breath away when I realized the Scripture God had led me to this morning that was so filled with anxiety and worry...peace and assurance began to fill my soul.
After getting ready and leaving the house by 10:00 am (because there was a showing between 10-11) I drove to the neighborhood park and called Charlotte to say that if birthmom followed through on her plan and the baby was healthy, we would indeed take him. It felt so surreal to say those words.
My sweet friend Jessica Pfeiffer, who is a mother of 4, met me at Babies R Us with a list of "must have now items" and "can wait items". Then she (along with her 5 month old) walked me through the store filling my cart with the essentials: Car Seat, stroller, bottles, nail clippers, thermometer, boppy, swaddle pods, etc. etc. The thing that I truly loved about Jessica's list was that she included getting a pedicure, hair cut, and scheduling a date night for a few weeks from now. Seriously, Jessica, how will I ever thank you!
I then made a trip to Wal-Mart, Target, and Gymboree to get a couple of really cute things (dangerous). I was home by 3 and began washing baby blue clothes and blankets. Brian got home and went to put the crib together (the one that I ordered from Amazon in Jan) only to discover that it was damaged. Thankfully we could return it. We've decided to just stick with a pack and play until we're moved.
Brian and I went to Carrabas for dinner Wed night and I forced myself to eat (because the news of a baby has stolen my appetite). We remarked that Carrabas was the place we had our first official date, over 10 years ago!!!
I managed to sleep better Wed night, but was up early Thursday morning. I got ready and was at PT (physical therapy) at 10. Around 10:45 I got a call from Charlotte that the baby had been born earlier in the morning. It was a natural birth and Mom barely made it to the hospital. She didn't want to see the baby and was in recovery. As the physical therapist worked on my wrist, I sat there receiving news that what could be our first born had indeed been born.
After PT I went to James Avery to get birthmom a heart necklace. I'm hoping she will accept it. I ran more errands and rested that afternoon. We had dinner with small group and told them our potential news, which was exciting.
Feelings went from anxiety and fear to excitement as the day went on and I slept well Thursday night.
Friday I slept until 8, had a quiet time, talked to mom and went to Target. While at Target, Charlotte called to tell me that she was going to go see Birthmom. Birthmom still doesn't want to see the baby and seems like she will follow through. Charlotte called a little while later to give me the baby's stats, which I scribbled down on an envelope in my purse. I picked up a smoothie for lunch and headed to get my hair cut and colored, something I had scheduled ealier in the week.
Friday evening Charlotte called to give me more details about Birthmoom and said she felt like things were going well. I finished laundry, ordered pizza for dinner, cleaned, and Brian put the pack and play together. We were in bed and asleep at 11.
On Saturday morning, which marked 48 hours since his birth, (and in the state of TX the time when birthmom is allowed to sign away her rights and place him for adoption) I was up at 5 and couldn't go back to sleep (I can't imagine why!!). I brewed a pot of coffee, wrote in my journal, and wrote the Birthmom a personal letter. At this point I'm excited and very nervous about the possiblity of bringing a newborn home. Our hearts and minds were prepared that Saturday was the day we should be able to bring him home. The car seat was in the car, diaper bag packed, bottles sterilized, etc. I know our lives will never be the same, my time won't be mine anymore, and a lifelong responsibility is about to be placed into our arms. It's still not real to me yet, surreal is most definitely the word for this week.
As Brian and I sat at Panera eating breakfast (really I was picking at breakfast) Charlotte called to say that because the baby was under the light he couldn't receive his hearing test, a test that is only given once a day. Therefore he would need to stay another night. Total bummer, but we were hoping that maybe we could at least go see him. She hadn't talked with birthmom yet, but would call us once she knew more. Brian and I killed the next few hours by getting gas and cash, driving to Pearland to look at model homes, and we were headed home at noon only to find that our house was being shown. We went to a nearby park to relax when Charlotte called back to say that Birthmom would be going home, but she wasn't ready to sign the papers...she needed more time to think. Disappointment and frustration fell on Brian and I and we just wanted to go home. However when we got to our house the potential buyers were still there (UGH!). We headed to Gringo's for lunch and margaritas. We got home around 1:30 and I slept for 2.5 hours. Saturday evening we went to my aunt and uncle's house to have fun with the family--which we did. It was a great diversion and we felt very loved and cared for. Both of us really prepared ourselves that birthmom would likely keep the baby. We were in bed by about 11:30 and both slept until 7:30.
Sunday we got up and Brian went to church early to pray for the pastor, something he does just about every Sunday. I met him there and we attended the 9:30 service. During the service Randy, the pastor, had planned as a part of his sermon to talk about the fact that we are adopted by God. As the service ended and we were getting ready to walk out of the sanctuary my phone buzzed---it was Charlotte. She was going to the hospital at 11:30 to meet birthmom, who says she will sign the papers to place him for adoption. As I stood there in the sanctuary I couldn't help but feel God's love engulf us. Randy, who knew the story because Brian had told him that we weren't getting the baby walked over to us thinking it must be bad news, only to have me turn around and say that it might indeed happen. He was stunned, Brian was stunned, I was stunned. We walked over to the prayer team to have them pray for us and we left with peace that God would work out His perfect plan, no matter what...HE IS IN CONTROL!!!
I saw my friend Jessica, the one who met me at Babies R Us and told her what was going on so she could continue to pray. Then I saw my cousin Chelsea and her husband, who we had been with the previous night, and I told her that it was very possible we could get this baby. Brian and I refused to get excited, but flickers of hope began to burn in our hearts.
Once again the news stole my appetite so we just came home and I had yogurt and granola and Brian had left over lasagna. I spent time updating this post and waited on pins and needles for Charlotte's call. As a way to kill time I got the laundry going and began to watch last week's Survivor episode. At 12:40 my phone rang...it was Charlotte...the papers were signed and we could come to the hospital to meet and bring home our son. I think I said seriously about 4 times, hung up, and screamed. There was no worry, panic, or anxiety...only joy and excitement. Brian and I were simultaneously talking to different people on the phone as we drove to the hospital.
As Brian began turning into the hospital parking lot my phone rang...not surprising. I answered to hear Troy, our Realtor's voice. "How are you doing Angela?" I replied "Great, we're pullling into the parking lot of the hospital to get our son!!!" I'll bet he's never heard that before!!!! Troy said "We have a great offer on the house." At that point I gave the phone to Brian who got the details. The buyers offered full asking price and we didn't have to pay any closing costs!!! As we stood in the hospital parking lot we both just laughed out loud and laughed all the way into the hospital...We had a contract on our house and were getting ready to meet our baby!!! God certainly has a sense of humor and His timing is impeccable!
We walked into the lobby and got checked in, went through another checkpoint, and up to the labor and delivery floor. We found the nursery and rang the doorbell. The nurse had us set our things down, scrub in, and put hospital gowns on. I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED TO PUT A HOSPITAL GOWN ON IN MY LIFE!!!
Once we were both washed and in gowns we walked down the hall and into a room where Charlotte was waiting for us with our new son. All I could think was how perfect he was. (this is the first photo of him)
Brian and I just both looked at him and the next thing you know Brian was changing his first diaper and I was snapping photos.
I can't actually tell you what I signed...I just signed and initialed as fast as I could. About 30 minutes later we were headed out, Karsten in tow, but not before we take our first family photo!
Brian put him in his carseat, we gave hugs to Charlotte, and the next thing you know we were zipping down I-10 with our dream come true in the backseat. I began sending texts and called my Dad, who was on a fishing trip with my Grandpa. He was shocked and thrilled, of course.
I have more to write about visitors and our first day at home, but I've got to go get ready before my darling Karsten wakes up :)
amazing story. thanks for sharing it with us!!!
Posted by: Amy Beachy | April 11, 2011 at 12:03 PM
Angela - I am completely bawling here! What a beautiful story. I am so happy for you and your husband. A baby will absolutely change your life! God is so awesome! Congratulations!!
Posted by: Kacie | April 11, 2011 at 12:18 PM
I have tears in my eyes - God is goo!. Congrats again!
Posted by: Karyn | April 11, 2011 at 02:05 PM
God is good, not goo!! Oops!
Posted by: Karyn | April 11, 2011 at 02:58 PM
More tears of joy for you! I absolutely love the picture of you looking at Karsten and the look of "that's my mommy" on his sweet little face. What a wonderful way to start my week! God bless you, Brian, and Karsten.
Posted by: Carol H - Fairview Heights, IL | April 11, 2011 at 04:14 PM
Precious story <3
I love, love, love the picture of you staring down into his bassinet. So sweet!
Posted by: Christine Humphries | April 11, 2011 at 10:03 PM
A three-day young baby, so fresh and new! He's very beautiful and angelic! So excited for the three of you! Angela, you're such an amazing Mama already! Can't wait to hear more about Karsten. You are so wise to put him in a pack 'n play for now. M sometimes sleeps in hers. I also used a co-sleeper and bassinet (both borrowed from friends) for the first couple of months.
Blessings to the three of you.....hope you're able to take lots of naps!
Posted by: Michele Pasbrig | April 12, 2011 at 12:33 AM
He is precious!!!! I am sitting here in tears. What a great GOD we serve.
Congrats! Boys are the best and love their mommy :) And what a beautiful name. All the best Angela.
Posted by: Yvonne Ybarra | April 12, 2011 at 06:29 AM
Hey Angela! I'm a college friend of Kelly's and I click over to your blog occasionally since she talks about you a lot on hers! : ) Just wanted to send some more congratulations your way...what a blessing! Best wishes to you and your family! I will pray for you guys and little Karsten's birthmom.
Posted by: Sarah Callaway | April 12, 2011 at 03:02 PM