beginning a great journey

Yesterday Brian and I met with our adoption consultant, Kathie Otte.  Kathie has been an adoption consultant for over 20 years in the Houston area.  In fact, she adopted two children about that long ago and it was then that she realized there was a great need for a consultant in this area.  Adoption as you can imagine, is a very overwhelming process.  There are so many decisions to be made, so many options to take into account, so much paperwork to fill out, and it all comes at a HUGE price, both financially and emotionally.  Brian and I believe that if we have the opportunity to have an advocate who is full of wisdom and who will be honest with us, we need to take it.

I am blogging this for my personal documentation, but also to invite you to walk this journey with us.  We will need as much prayer, encouragement, wisdom, and love we can get during this time....and of course, once we have our little one we'll need even more of the above.  I think that one thing that I'm really trying to keep at the forefront of my mind is that at the end, we will be parents.  It's kind of like the couple who spends so much time and money on a wedding, but doesn't focus on what the marriage will look like.  I have to say that Brian and I went from wedding preparation and the wedding, into marriage, seamlessly.  I pray that this journey will be as easy, although with much less sleep in the end! 

So here are the some of the topics we discussed yesterday with Kathie:

What kind of child do we want to adopt?  A fully Hispanic, healthy, newborn (I cannot explain why Brian and I are drawn to full Hispanic, but we have been for years.  I have taught mostly Hispanic children and Brian was raised in San Antonio, so we both have a passion for this race.  Also, Brian can speak Spanish and it is our desire to raise our child bilingual.  I will need a tutor to keep up!  Because this is what we desire our wait time will be quite short.  Certainly under a year, most likely under 6 months!!!!)  Isn't that amazing!  Caucasian couples typically want to adopt children who look like them, so if we wanted a Caucasian child we would wait well over a year.  Also, Hispanic birth mothers have a much higher rate of choosing adoption over abortion.  Praise Jesus for that!  Also, the fact that we are young for adoptive parents gives us a huge advantage.  Kathie said that if given a choice a birth mother will almost always choose the couple who are under 35 verses the couple is is over 35. 

Are we willing to take a baby who's birth mother or father did drugs or alcohol?  Well, not really.  The rate of learning disabilities and other health issues greatly increases.  However, if birth mother abstained from drugs and alcohol, but birth father was known to partake, we would probably consider it.  Kathie actually already knows of a fully Hispanic birth mother looking for a placement of an unborn child, but the birth father is in the picture and in Kathie's word "is bad news".  At this time Brian and I don't have a peace about that situation, but that is how fast it can happen!  

What kind of adoption do we want?  Semi-open, fully open, closed?  The definition of fully open is "Adoptive family and birth parents disclose all identifying information and share information for a limited time."  They will not know where we live or our last name, but we might meet once a year for the first 3 years...it can all be decided as we go.  Typically Hispanic birth mothers don't want to be very involved, especially if they don't speak English.  We would consider all of these options, but semi open is our first choice. That is when we meet face to face one or two times before the baby is born and then send photos and letters for a limited time.

I believe with my heart of hearts that God has the perfect baby selected for our family.  There is no doubt in my mind.  However, one area where I'm still struggling is that I really want a girl.  I almost hate to write that, because I would be so grateful for a boy too. And I know that I would love him just as much as a girl.   It can be challenging to request gender with most agencies because the birth mom often doesn't know the sex of the baby when she chooses the adoptive parents.  We hope to adopt another child down the road, but one never knows and I really desire a girl.  It's such a battle within me, giving up that control.  I know God has a baby selected for us, yet I want to control what gender we get.  Please be praying about that...that I would be just as happy with pink or blue!  We have names for both genders already picked out, but that will be a secret to the very end :)   Pink or blue???  God only knows thankfully they make cute bedding for both!  Here are a few that have caught my eye!

I'm wanting to begin reading some parenting books, so if any of you have any must reads leave me a comment. 

Comments

[Kara]

I'm so excited for you! You guys will be great parents, and I can't wait to see your little son or daughter. Thanks for sharing.

[Mary Lembcke]

Hi Angela!
I'm a friend of Kelly's and I am so excited to see you at this point in your life! I will be praying for you and that God places the perfect match for all involved at the perfect time. My daughter has the pottery barn "room" you have posted! LOVE IT!

Best wishes Angela!!

[Lily De Anda]

Hi Angela! It's great to see how much closer you are getting to parenthood. I will pray for the perfect baby to come along for you and Brian. I know you have been wanting a girl for a long time, but boys are great too. I have 3 beautiful boys and they love their mommy dearly. I have heard from many who have both genders that boys are easier and they always want to please their mommy. We are having so much fun with the boys. They are always in a good mood and come up with the darnest things!! I hope this helps. The only thing I must complain about is the variety of clothes available for boys. Girl clothes is everywhere and very cute. But you know me, I still manage to dress my boys cute. Down to a matching pacifier!

Hope to see you guys soon!

[Michele Pasbrig]

I was just looking at your dream rooms and LOVE the fish/ocean theme for a boy's room! Can't wait to see photos of Karsten's room!