Last weekend I was blessed to participate in a Women's Retreat with my church. Brian said he would be fine with Karsten for the weekend, so I jumped at the opportunity to spend a weekend with fellow sisters in Christ. My sweet friend Jessica and I made plans to bring craft activities to share with our friends and we both looked forward to having time with the girls. It was last Thursday, the day before I left for the retreat, that it dawned on me that maybe I should begin to pray about the spiritual aspect of the weekend ahead. Afterall, it was supposed to be more than just time away with friends...it was supposed to be a time to pull away from the busyness of everyday life and spend one on one time with the Lord.
The praise and worship at the retreat, led by Betsy Burke, was the perfect segway into opening our hearts and minds to the spiritual aspects of the retreat. We had 4 different group sessions and "mandatory" quiet times with God. I think the one thing I will always remember from the retreat happened during a quiet time. I realize this may bore you to tears...I'm just putting it here to document life.
We were sent out from a time in praise and worship to have an hour of quiet. The retreat center has beautiful grounds and I quickly found a comfortable bench off the beaten path. I knew if I were on the beaten path I would be distracted by everyone else. I opened my Bible and read and reflected on Psalm 100.
A psalm of thanksgiving.
1 Shout with joy to the LORD, all the earth!
2 Worship the LORD with gladness.
Come before him, singing with joy.
3 Acknowledge that the LORD is God!
He made us, and we are his.[a]
We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving;
go into his courts with praise.
Give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good.
His unfailing love continues forever,
and his faithfulness continues to each generation.
I finished reading and reflecting on the Psalm wondering exactly what I was supposed to be getting out of this quiet time. I then opened my book, Finding God's Will, and began reading because I felt like I needed to be doing something...getting something accomplished. As I read, I pulled out a piece of Dove Promises dark chocolate and ate it. As I'm reading, I'm silently conversing with God, about what the point of this quiet time is...shouldn't He be giving me some big revealation? Shouldn't I be feeling the Holy Spirit bubbling up inside me? Hello God....what are you trying to teach me???? I then sensed Him telliing me to put the book away, to stop trying to check something off my list, to just be still. I reasoned...let me just finish this section...and I sensed Him saying....No, now!! So I closed the book and waited...then I sensed Him saying pick up the chocolate wrapper. Um...ok...so I did and I read these words. "YOUR PRESENCE IS OFTEN THE BEST PRESENT."
and at that moment something clicked inside me. I wrote these words in my journal.
"Maybe this weekend isn't about some big revealation or a change in my spiritual journey----maybe it's just about removing myself from distractions and being in God's presence---soaking up His goodness, kindness, faithfulness, and love. I'm a goal setting, doing, acheiving, checking it off my list kind of girl and this weekend is really just about being still, fellowshipping with God and friends and being in His presence away from many of life's distractions."
So, that's what I took away from the retreat. Sometimes before God can reveal things to us, guide us, give us wisdom we need to be content to just spend time with Him. It's ok if I don't receive a powerful message or spiritual enlightenment each time I seek Him out. He will reveal those things to me in His perfect time...until then, I just need to "be still and know that He is God."
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reflections on fasting
Brian and I both fasted M-W of this week. Eating only fruit, vegetables, beans, and whole grains. Let me just way...it was not easy!!! Did I get a great revealation? No, but I did realize how much craving something guides my decisions in life. It could be craving food, acceptance, perfection, purpose, popularity. I realized that true satisfaction comes from relying on God to be enough for us. In the long term nothing else will quench our soul...we will always be on the elusive chase of other things until we realize that God supplies all of our needs....and wants and needs aren't the same thing.
I do sense that He is preparing me for something, but I'm ok with not knowing what it is. I may have months of years of preparation ahead of me for a big picture I can't see yet. But now, after the retreat and fasting, I'm ok with that. I know it will have something to do with my gifts and talents, so I will continue cultivating those things.
This is from the Jesus Calling devotional that is truly the best daily devotional I've ever read. It's written from the perspective of Jesus talking to the reader. I gain something from it every day!!! I felt that this sums up everything I've learned this past week. This is from January 25th
"Through the intimacy of our relationship, you are being transformed from the inside out. As you keep your focus on Me, I form you into the one I desire you to be. Your part is to yield to My creative work in you, neither resisting it or trying to speed it up. Enjoy the tempo of a God-breathed life by letting Me set the pace. Hold My hand in a childlike trust, and the way before you will open up step by step."
Be Blessed---Angela
